If you are celebrating Father’s Day as a father, well then your day is obliviously ruined anyway, so really what is the point. Most likely you were awoken by the sound of pitter patter made by small feet, your children trying to surprise you, like your children even being born wasn’t enough of a surprise. They have created a day that constantly reminds you, not only are you a complete loser, but how bad you really messed up that one night and 9 months later you are learning the word regret, one diaper at a time. It is important to wake up in complete rage, it sets the tone for the entire day. Yell at them to leave the room instantly and tell them that you will get up when your head stops spinning.
Fast forward till about 2 o’clock you arise from bed and walk downstairs. Demand your presents right away and tell everyone that the child that got you the best present can eat dinner tonight, the rest can watch you two enjoy dinner. Important reminder: If one of your children gets you a tie, look at them with the biggest smile, stand up, slam the present on the floor, and say in a sarcastic voice, “Wow, just what I needed, another F’n tie because my 200 other ties really needed another friend.”