Supposedly drinking and driving while your children are in the car is illegal in all 50 States or at least the police officer from the last road trip tried to explained while locking Daddy up for his third DUI. So it’s necessary to pack something less detectible to a breathalyzer and that lucky pill is Xanax. Nothing curbs Daddy’s road rage like three little pills that make him forget where he is, let alone driving 100 miles an hour with his precious cargo.
What irritates me the most about the open road is Garmin GPS’s blatant lack of concern for customer safety, I mean yes it has a “find the nearest gas station” option but it should also feature the median home value so Daddy’s doesn’t have to fear for the children’s safety while filling up in a seedy part of town. Turn every opportunity into a learning experience. If you find yourself in a bad part of town, they will certainly have a hitchhiker. Teach your children what the kindness of stranger’s means by picking up the hitchhiker. Remember to start clocking the miles for a tax write off, because you can classify that a charity work for helping the less fortunate.
Once the hitchhiker is in the car ask them to tell of their downfall and horrible life story. Remember to interrupt frequently and point out to the children “If dead beat the Hitchhiker would of gone to college his life wouldn’t of been like this.” Also point out the fact that it’s really because he has no motivation and could get a job at McDonald’s if he didn’t spend all his money on booze. Make sure you say this in front of the hitchhiker so his stench is still lingering in the car, children have different learning styles like audio, visually, textile, and pungent smells.