Parenting Tip # 45 Talking to Your Child About Sex Part II (Girls)

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For you daughters 11th birthday her gift is a trip to the gynecologist for a nice Depo-Provera shot just to “so called regulate her period.” Sex to her should be clouded by false ideas and should leave her ridden with guilt. When you get home from the gyno it’s time to Google search pictures of diseases and say this is what happens if you ever have sex. Then follow with more brain washing about how guys only use you for your vagina and don’t really care about you. Then tell her when daddy knocked up mommy he really thought about running away but mommy’s dad had a shotgun and since you don’t have a shotgun no one will ever marry her. After this talk if she has any questions about sex or seems vaguely interested, lock her in her room until she is 20. But at 16 if your daughter has a boyfriend for a year and isn’t sexually active tell her he can sleep over because he is gay for dealing with her princess ass for a whole year and not tapping that ass.

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2 Comments

Filed under comedy, family, funny, humor, Parenting

2 responses to “Parenting Tip # 45 Talking to Your Child About Sex Part II (Girls)

  1. Paul F.

    Before talking to one’s daughter about sex, maybe one should first talk to her about self-respect.

  2. Abso

    Oh lord, you just described my adolescence. Love it.

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