Parenting Tip # 57 How to Tell Your Children Santa Claus Isn’t Real

Now that you have been lying to your children for several years telling them that on Christmas Eve you allow a fat man dressed in all red to break into your house and leave presents under the tree for exchange for milk and cookies, it’s time to ruin their imagination by telling your children you and mommy are big fat liars. My scenario was fairly easy. My children and I were in the car driving, Daddy gets horrible road rage, as I was swearing at some lady for driving to slow, I believe she was going 35 miles an hour in a 35 (who does that). My children advised me that Santa wasn’t going to visit me this year. So Daddy inquired further. “What do you mean Santa isn’t going to visit Daddy this year?” My children responded by telling me, “Santa isn’t going to give you presents because you have a bad mouth.” Maybe it was the fact that Daddy was still driving and still slightly enraged at the old lady but my children telling me that Santa was going to give me any presents completely set Daddy off. I responded in a way that any rational parent would, I said, “Santa not F@#%ing real, I buy you your presents and put them under the tree, Now you guys aren’t getting S#$% for Christmas because I’m going to spend all the Christmas money on myself! Mommy and Daddy have been lying to you for years and you kids were stupid enough to believe it! The F$%&ing JOKES ON YOU KIDS!” Then I relaxed my voice to a more pleasing tone and said, “Merry Christmas.”


Filed under comedy, family, funny, humor, Parenting

6 responses to “Parenting Tip # 57 How to Tell Your Children Santa Claus Isn’t Real

  1. I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time!! My son is 4 and he’s having so much fun with this Santa thing… and it’s exhausting to keep up sometimes.

    And who does drive 35 in a 35?!? C’mon!! It’s the most stressful time of the year, get your ass movin’. 🙂

    Thanks for sharing your amazingly honest story!

  2. Haha…pretty good tip! But I guess I can’t follow this tip yet for a few more years as I still have two more very young ones to hook on to this Santa thing :)…the older kids might spill the beans and ruin the big moment (wink wink).

  3. but i think it will be better if we tell them the truth… 😀

  4. I came VERY close this year to spilling the beans about Santa to my little ones, the annoying little b!@#$%*s. Glad to see your new post. Keep spewing the venom.

  5. Sandra

    I see that this blog is dedicated to children so I just would like to ask opinions of experts what they think about such educational game as Kinder Hangman – Is this game really so helpful for developing kids? I am a mother myself, so just would like to know if this game can help me repare kids for school? Any ideas?

    • That Chick

      I’m sorry, I have to respond to Sandra up there. Spam is bad mmk. And not only that but before you try to promote some educational item perhaps you should consider getting an education yourself? Kinda seems bad for business to me.

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